Alright, well, I’ll start with the obligatory answers to “How are you doing?” For that is a frequent question, and I am thankful that so many care enough to ask.
(Pause to say hello to my robin- he just flew up to perch gracefully on a tree branch just outside my office window. He’s HUGE, by the way. I think I neglected to mention that. )
I’m tired. I’m emotionally tired and I’m physically tired. I’m actually tired of talking about cancer. I’m tired of being constipated and having to work so hard with so many different methods of attack just to try and get some “movement.” I’m tired of the fact that I feel and sound like a BM-obsessed geriatric (no offense intended to all the very wonderful and pleasant geriatric souls that I know) and I’m only 33. This has never been an issue with me before but seems to be my reaction to the chemo.
I’m tired of my nostrils being so sore and sensitive, also a side effect. I’m tired of bloody discharge when I blow my nose every morning, thanks to rawness and coumadin-induced blood flow.
I’m tired of being tired. Yesterday was a beautiful day here but I didn’t have energy to do anything beyond go to church, though I was thankful I could do that.
I’m tired of this bad taste in my throat that lasts long after the nausea is over.
I’m tired of living life every other week.
But I really don’t want to whine. I just really don’t. I’m saying all the above to try and be real – to be honest and transparent and real. I don’t want to give the impression that I’m somehow above some self-pity. I do struggle.
Now that that’s out of the way, I just want to say that mostly, I’M EXCITED!!!! Seriously excited about “The Walker Run, Live For Today.”
(If you didn’t see my previous post – check it out for important info about the event.)
I’m excited about the event for so many, many reasons:
1. Lord willing, I get to be around to see it and be there! These kind of things often happen only after someone has passed away. NOT while they are still living and walking around!
2. We will all get to see tangible evidence of what one life that is not perfect but is ever seeking God and His perfection can mean, how many other lives it touches. That is one thing I am learning. Sure, many of you who will participate have only just come to know me, but many who will be there will be there because of how my “little life” as I call it, has touched you in some way in the past. I know it’s not just me though. We’ll see how my parents’ lives and in-laws’ lives have touched others, how my siblings have touched others. What a ripple effect simple obedience to God can have!
3. Along the same vein, we get to see what a BIG thing God can do through 4 sweet girls who just wanted to show their friend some support. My sweet friends, also PTs: Amy, Lisa, Rachel and Jennifer – who have amazing talents but have never planned an event like this before have just hit it out of the ballpark! They had an idea born out of love, stepped out in faith, and God took it and multiplied it like the loaves and fishes! (They won’t tell me how many are registered, but they say it is OVERWHELMING and they are just blown away!)
4. I get to see most all of my PT school classmates. What a crew we are!
5. I get to meet many of you who are praying for me, encouraging me, and keeping me going.
6. My family – Piggs and Walkers, who are hurting as much or maybe more than me – get to see how amazingly supported Brian, Camden, Scott, and I are!
I could go on and on. (Please note that money is not on the list. I truly keep forgetting that part. But I am convinced that we are going to keep getting to do great good with the funds that are raised!!)
If you can’t be there, that is SO FINE! I am equally thankful just that you even read my words here; that you’ve offered even one prayer to the Father for me, for us.
If you are going to walk that morning and can get a picture of yourselves, PLEASE DO. E-mail them to[email protected] and they will get to me.
Now, I have more I want to say, but I think I’ll write it a little later and maybe post it tomorrow. There is some housework that needs to be savored (more on that later.)
As always, thank you for caring for me.
“But the Lord is [our] support. He brought [us] out into a spacious place; He rescued [us] because
He delighted in us!”