Scan on Friday

Right now, I’m hoping he’s clairvoyant.

My little wild man, the charmer, the heart-stealer, my joy, the comedian, the shoe-lover, the stylish one, the one who teaches me daily what it is to live with a zest for life, what it is to truly savor. I’m hoping we can add prophetic to this list.

We were stretched out on a blanket under the maple tree, he and I. We must have a picnic today, he insisted. It is a sunny day, lunch needs to be enjoyed outside.

Our robins paced on their watchtowers, watchful. Red-breasts puffed out in power, in confidence. A gentle breeze licked our cheeks and a slow warmth soaked into our skin. I laid back, linked my fingers behind my neck, supporting my head on bent arms. The familiar strain was immediately present through my upper abdomen.

When, Lord? I am 34, this, just laying on my back, this shouldn’t be hard.  When will I be able just to lie down again without any discomfort? Something else taken for granted – lying down without pain. How many times did I do this without pain and never thank you? What am I taking for granted now…

And he interrupted my thoughts, as he constantly does. As he is doing at this very moment as I type. He cannot breathe without noise. If he is awake, he is making noise. In his room hangs a favorite quote: “boy (n): a noise with dirt on it.” He lives this definition; he personifies boyhood.

“Mommy, you have just a tiny bit of cancer.”
I opened my eyes, squinting at him in the sunlight. He was only inches from my face. Cheese. He smelled of cheese, peanut butter, and dirt. Always dirt.

It wasn’t a question. He stated it as fact. “Really?” I said.

“Yes, just this much.” His index finger tip and thumb were mere centimeters away from each other.

I hope you are right, my son, my wild one. I hope you are right.

I have a scan this Friday, March 30. As always, I will be fasting that morning. I ask everyone who feels a pull in their heart of hearts to do so to join me in that fasting.

I will learn results on Monday, April 2nd. I will share the results as soon as I can.

I ask to live. Not for myself. I am ready for Home. I long for it. But I grieve to think of leaving them. They are my reason to fight; my will to live. I want to walk through their early years with them, kiss their skinned knees and later their bruised hearts as they face the disappointment that this life eventually brings.

So I beg you to pray. I pray you will beg. HE can do it. He CAN.

(By the way, in case you haven’t seen it yet – the place to click to leave comments is up there to the left of the posts’s title, just below the date.)

Sara Walker

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19 Responses to “Scan on Friday”

  1. Eva April 1, 2012 at 8:17 pm #

    I will be praying for you Sara! I also was diagnosed unexpectedly at age 48 with Stage III rectal cancer in October 2011. By the grace of God and prayers of the faithful, I am healed now. The road has been more than difficult – recovering from an illeostomy reversal as we speak; however, the body of Christ continually lifting me up in prayer has been my source of strength and encouragement! I will most definitely keep you in my prayers! And I know our God is good all the time! Love your writings!
    In Him,

  2. Tiffany March 30, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    You are amazing and oh so inspiring…truly, honestly you have a gift – a wonderful, talented gift. You do not know me….I went to school with your hubby. I read your blog and you always find a way to reach me -it’s unbelievable. I think of you and your journey and I pray for you often as I’m sure many others do. I just want you to know how incredible you are in so many ways. I pray for you today.

  3. Cathy March 30, 2012 at 7:39 am #


    I am praying for you today. May you feel the peace of God surrounding you.


  4. Linda March 29, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    My prayers are with you and your sweet family. I will also be fasting in the morning and sending up prayers of healing.

  5. Laura Lasher March 29, 2012 at 1:08 pm #

    We are praying for you and for God’s glory to be shown. Jeff and I watched your Channel 4 interview. We loved it, and we both were cracking up at Scott:) I am so excited and inspired to see what God is doing in your life. I love you!

  6. Angela Dedman March 29, 2012 at 12:06 pm #

    I continue to pray FOR you and to be inspired BY you. I thank God for you. …and I pray for complete healing and that you would get to watch your boys grow. I also have two boys (four and one). May God bless you in every way. Thank you for your love for HIM and for helping me remember to savor the day and every moment with my boys. With love, Angela (Vicki Shaub’s daughter)

  7. tamara March 29, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    You’ve got it! Prayers, prayers, prayers!

  8. Carolyn O'Cain March 29, 2012 at 9:54 am #

    I am praying that your scans will be clear, Sara.
    “Now to Him Who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask for imagine, according to His power that is at work in us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Amen.” Ephesian 3:20-21

    Showers of His greatest blessings…

    In His great and mighty love,
    Carolyn O’Cain

  9. Joan Kelly March 29, 2012 at 8:12 am #

    Praying for you Sara!

  10. Kristen March 29, 2012 at 8:01 am #

    I am praying hard and will surely be all the more so especially on Friday. Your description of your time with Scott was precious. His adorable little face alone brought tears to my eyes, and I do believe he is right! Praying God continues to show you His infinite mercy and compassion.
    Love you!
    ps-this new site and the whole premise behind it is WONDERFUL!!! Thank You, once again dear Lord, for Sara. (How often I have uttered those words… 🙂 )

  11. Alyson Atchley March 29, 2012 at 7:07 am #

    Sweet Sara,

    I will be fasting with you Friday morning! I sure hope your precious son is right! I love you! xoxoxo

  12. Carol Barnes March 29, 2012 at 7:02 am #

    We will be praying fervently! Remember how we are to be as children, perhaps they hear His voice best and the prophecy is from above!

  13. joni March 29, 2012 at 6:55 am #

    Prayers from Tiki Island, Tx!

  14. Betty Cody March 29, 2012 at 6:53 am #

    I will be joining you in fasting and praying for complete healing. God hears the prayers of the righteous and He is blessed by them!

  15. Harriet Tucker March 28, 2012 at 10:59 pm #

    Prayers are going up for you from Uganda. We have been so thankful for your writings and updates while visiting family these last 3 weeks. We will pray and fast for complete healing this Friday and believe our God can do that for you and your family! What a witness for Jesus you are through this long and painful road you have traveled. You bring encouragement to so many, many people because of your faith! Thank you for blessing my life through your words! Prayers continue from this side of the world.

  16. Judy Morgan March 28, 2012 at 10:17 pm #

    Dear Sara, I have prayed so hard for you, I have forwarded your messages to so many people, and I thank God that someone forwarded you to me many many months ago. I believe in God’s miracles and believe they happen all around us. Just like so many times that we are not still enough to hear His voice, we are also not still enough to see His miracles! Thank you for your words of faith. I believe your son! What a joyous comment he made during your special time!

    There will be extra prayers and fasting Friday morning! I believe, I feel, and I try to hear and see. I’m working on being still, calm, and quiet so I may hear and see His all of his glory!

  17. Frances Palmer March 28, 2012 at 9:47 pm #

    Dear Sara, I am still praying hard for your complete healing. I pray so hard your scan will be good. I am really enjoying your writings. I can hardly wait for your book !!
    Love You, Frances

  18. Sherrie Spencer March 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    I am praying for your complete healing from our God, Jehovah Rapha. He healed me because of prayers. Be so full of gratitude to God this weekend that you don’t think about the scan results.

  19. Niki Thomas March 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

    You so may times have said what I think about my cancer journey! We must live for our boys! I pray so hard Sara! I truly believe God will heal you!! I love your new site; you are such a gifted writter! Hugs to you!

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