An Update, though short

It is Sunday, June 24th. I believe my last update here was on June 11th.

MUCH has happened during that time frame of which I hardly have the energy to write.

My family was able to head to the beach a day later than planned. The boys were so looking forward to this family trip that I hated to disappoint them. It was out of my hands, for it rained the whole time. We had a few hours of dry though still overcast time, during which some digging in the sand and playing in the waves still happened.

We got back late Sunday evening. I remained mostly bed or couch-banned for the next few days, which were a confusion of doctor visits. One included a treatment with fluids and pain pills because I just wasn’t doing well.

I presented for the cyberknife treatment on Thursday morning. (Thankfully many of my most faithful prayer warriors were able to join me Wednesday night to pray over the event, and God through them washed away most of my fears. Thankfully I felt well for their visit, and I even felt good heading into the cyberknife.)

Dr. Gray estimated the cyberknife would take 40 minutes. It lasted 1 hr and 17 minutes. The last 20 of which were torture. He later insisted he didn’t use more radiation, just many movements of the machine took longer than he realized.

But I still felt ok leaving the procedure. It wasn’t until several hours later that the pain rebounded and started to get worse.

We called the cyberknife on-call number. They didn’t call back the first time. By this time I decided I had to get to a hospital. And I was so light-headed from frequent vomitting that I couldn’t get there by myself. We called 911.

I rode by ambulance to the ER. I cannot describe how difficult it was being tranferred to the ambulance. We were on a second-story sofa. I think I may have vomitted on a medic. I was barely holding onto consciousness.

They finally stabilized me around 1:30 am I would say. This led to a long hospital stay – through Thursday night and into Saturday. Bless his heart, Brian was right there. He didn’t want to leave my side.

So now it’s Sunday, a week later. I have managed to stay out of the hospital this week, but I am truly living hour to hour. I have small goals each hour.

Writing here has not been one of them. But you deserve to know.

I don’t know how much writing will be done, but for the foreseeable future, understand it is not my priority.  For one, my brain feels quite foggy and not up to writing here. I truly hope this will change soon. More time out from brain radiation = less fatigue, or so I’ve been told.

I am hoping to start the next clinical trial with drugs for colon cancer on July 10th. I have preliminary paperwork and testing to be done in the meantime. That and living by the hour.

I truly hope you are still savoring the day. Any day out of bed can be a great day. And I still find moments to savor. They just don’t leave any time for savoring writing.

July 10.  You need to hang on to that date and I need it to work.  

As always I thank you for praying for me.

Sara Walker





I love comments! Click here to leave yours.

  

Leave a Reply

61 Responses to “An Update, though short”

  1. Echo August 27, 2012 at 7:47 pm #

    “Any day out of bed can be a great day.” This sentence has played through my mind dozens (maybe hundreds) of times over the last few weeks. These words have quieted my impatience, these words have encouraged contentment where there otherwise was none, these words have allowed many, many moments of savoring in my days. Thank you, Sara, for this message. It will not be forgotten.

  2. Tammy Jacobs Garner August 22, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    Praying for you, but wondering how odd that must be for you to hear if from a stranger. I am a nurse at Brentwood Children’s Clinic, and have heard mention of your story. Your courage and faith are remarkable. How blessed you are to have a strong and supportive husband to be by your side. Praying for comfort today.

  3. Diane Tavegia August 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm #

    Miss hearing how you’re doing. PRAYING!

  4. Heather Bates July 10, 2012 at 7:30 pm #

    Praying for you Sara….fervently praying.

  5. Diane Tavegia July 10, 2012 at 11:19 am #

    Praying and watching for an update.

  6. Traci July 10, 2012 at 9:49 am #

    July 10. I’m praying… every second… for your peace, comfort, courage, strength, relief and healing! Every single person I know is saying a prayer for you today. :)
    Love and Blessings to You,
    Traci

  7. Kathy Clark July 10, 2012 at 7:57 am #

    Sara,
    We’ve been praying daily and nightly, but intensely praying today for strength to endure the treatment and for courage and of course for healing.
    We love you dearly,
    Ted and Kathy

  8. Clara Hinton July 9, 2012 at 9:59 pm #

    Sara,
    July 10 prayers continue…..May God’s presence be felt tomorrow in a most powerful way.

    May God bless you and keep you close. May you be at peace and free from pain. May your treatment take away all cancer!

    My love and prayers,
    Clara

  9. Sarah July 9, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

    Sara, I pray for you daily. I am sending up extra prayers for tomorrow.

  10. Ginger July 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm #

    Praying for tomorrow!

  11. Lara July 9, 2012 at 3:17 pm #

    You came to my mind today, Sara, and for some reason I had to check your site (and I’ve never come before unless prompted by a CaringBridge update). I’m glad I did and now I know why—so that I can join in with this other great cloud of witnesses in intercessory prayer on your behalf for your procedures tomorrow. You are loved and we are praying, praying, praying for healing!!!

  12. Jan July 9, 2012 at 12:57 pm #

    Sara,

    I continue to pray for you daily. I pray that tomorrow will go well and that these drugs and this treatment is the one that God will use to show that he continues to be in the miracle making business and is the one true Physician. Praying also for peace that passes all understanding and for the type of comfort that only He can provide you and your family.

    Much love and prayers today, tomorrow and continually as you go through this.
    Jan

  13. Stacie Burke July 9, 2012 at 10:20 am #

    Hi Sara. I have been praying for you many times each day. I pray that tomorrow brings good news your way. “I call on You, O God, for you will answer me. Give ear to me and hear my prayer.” Psalm 17:6

  14. Rach July 9, 2012 at 9:53 am #

    Sara,
    I’m praying for you, and praying that tomorrow’s new drugs will go well.

    Rachel

  15. Teresa Green July 8, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

    Sara, We are still praying for you and your family and hope all goes well for you on the 10th.

  16. Heather July 8, 2012 at 5:22 pm #

    Praying hard for you for tomorrow. I pray that you are enjoying your family and savoring each hour as you are able. You have been at the top of my prayer list and even though I don’t know you, you have deeply touched my life with your words from our Father.

  17. Sara Usrey July 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

    Has anyone heard how Sara is doing? Continuing to pray!

  18. GF Tony July 4, 2012 at 4:10 am #

    It is so, so difficult to find words to express the feelings that your post has aroused…To share your physical pain, knowing that it would ease your suffering, would be preferable to reading how you suffer…It is not humanly possible we appreciate, but the knowledge that Brian, that good man, was by your side during this trial also helps those who pray for you…We continue to pray to our Father for His loving mercy to be with you in these times of deepest need…We send our love to you Sara, to Brian, Scott and Camden…….Tony and Pauline {your NZ grandparents} xx

  19. Joyce Mathis July 2, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    Sara,
    I just wanted you to know that I’m still concerned, still praying for you, still requesting prayer at church, and still thinking about you often. I don’t often leave a message—just want you to know that Brian’s aunts haven’t forgotten you—we just try not to worry you when you have sooo much going on now. We love you, Brian, and the boys and will be glad to help you in any way that you might need us. Just let us know if there is anything we can do—clean the house, do yard work, run errands, take the boys out for the day…..whatever is needed.
    Aunt Joyce

  20. Andrea June 30, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    Sara, I have read/stalked :) your blog since you were on Caringbridge. I have never left a comment, but I wanted you to know that your story and your faith have made me look at life differently. I leave the dishes in the sink longer and my piles of clothes to be folded have gotten larger, because I know they can wait. Blowing bubbles with my little girl, going for a bike ride or coloring that perfect picture is way more important! She will only be little once!! Thank you for making me realize to slow done and enjoy the small things! Your strong faith in God has encouraged me to go back to church. I grew up in the church everytime the doors opened, but had been away quite some time. Reading your prayers and your bible verses inspired me to go back to church. Finally, I would like for you to know that I call your name out each day in my prayers.

  21. Clara Hinton June 30, 2012 at 5:33 am #

    Thinking of you bunches, Sara, and just finished having a prayer session for you. I’m praying this is a good day — one that is full of lots of those “miracle moments” that make your heart smile!

    Love,
    Clara

  22. Sarah June 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm #

    Sara,

    I am praying for a complete healing. I am praying for the pain to ease and for comfort for you. I pray that you have peace that passes all understanding and ease for daily living.

    By His Grace,
    Sarah

  23. Phillip and Sherry Beazley June 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm #

    Don’t you worry, Sweet Sara. You don’t owe your readers anything. You have given so much to all of us. We want you to do what you are doing and focus on yourself and your family with God as your Guide.

  24. Dale June 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm #

    Hi Sara. I am a friend of Tamara Fox. She’s been keeping me updated on everything you’ve been going through. I have been lifting you up in prayer daily and am believing for your complete healing! Can’t wait to read the book you will write when you are on the other side of this!

  25. Amy Bruns June 26, 2012 at 7:35 pm #

    Sara,

    I am in constant prayer and thought for you. I pray for pain relief, energy, many moments of joy with your boys and husband and always complete healing. Thank you for all the prospective you have brought to my life and I am so sorry you are enduring so much right now. With love, amy

  26. Tonya June 26, 2012 at 5:57 am #

    Dear Sara,
    I have never commented before but I have been following your journey for some time. Timberlie McEver shared your blog with me. I honestly cannot remember how the two of you know each other…maybe high school or college?
    First, I want to tell you how sorry I am about your sweet baby girl, Anna, who lives in heaven. We also had a stillborn baby boy, Grady, at 37 weeks in November, 2008. And secondly, I want to thank you for reminding me to savor each day. I have been in a slump recently, and I needed a swift kick in the rear. I am SO sorry you are having to endure so much pain and heartache through grief and illness. Please know I will continue to pray for you. Sending you (((HUGS))) and love!

  27. Clara Hinton June 25, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    Dear Sara,
    Please know that you are being prayed for continually. I’m so very sorry that you had to endure so much pain over the past two weeks. Life on this earth is so very unfair to so many special people such as you. I don’t know why. I just know it breaks my heart to hear of you being in pain once again.
    As you rest, allow the sunbeams to come through the windows in your home and imagine those sunbeams as direct beams of God’s love touching your face, warming your heart, and holding you close. Try to close your eyes and simply “be” as you rest and gain back new strength.
    I’m praying for July 10th. I’m praying for you today, tonight, tomorrow, and many times each day. “God, please be with Sara. Bless her, keep her close, and if it is your holy will, please restore her health.” In Jesus’ precious name, Amen.

  28. Susan MazzarellaBellaroma June 25, 2012 at 5:19 pm #

    Dear Sara, my son has stage IV colon cancer. Your voice is an angel talking and the love and beauty of your spirit and words is breathtaking. Thank you. Susan mazzarella

  29. Donna June 25, 2012 at 3:46 pm #

    So glad to hear an update but so sorry you’ve been in pain. I will continue to pray for healing. I had a recent CSF leak (the fluid around my brain was leaking). It took my head a full 3 months to feel fully normal again — despite the Neurosurgeon’s assurance that it should have felt normal 2 days after the procedure. Lay flat and rest. It will help your head more than anything.
    With prayer and love,
    Donna

  30. Melissa Clinton June 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    Hi beautiful Sara! I am praying so hard for you and with you. It hurts me so that you are hurting. I am so inspired by you and your wonderful way with words. I love you and I’m thankful to God for you.
    Melissa

  31. Angela Dedman June 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm #

    Sara~ I am praying with you and for you. Even in the midst of your trial, you continue to speak to my heart and encourage me to THANK GOD with everything in me…for HE has been so gracious AND you encourage me to truly savor each day and moment. Thank you. With love, Angela (Vicki Shaub’s daughter)

  32. Alyson Atchley June 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm #

    I am praying for you my sweet Sara! I love you and I am begging and pleading for your healing! xoxo

  33. Angie June 25, 2012 at 12:37 pm #

    Sara,

    I’m still boldly praying for you and your family. I pray you feel stronger each day and that July 10th will come quickly.

    ~ Angie

  34. Traci Few June 25, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    Dear Sara, You have more courage than you know, more strength than you think and more love surrounding you than you can imagine. I learned to believe in courage, strength and love again from YOU. Your example.

    I won’t pretend to understand your journey and this devastation, but instead will only tell you that you…your sweet children and devoted husband…are in my prayers… every single second… and that this cancer, no matter what follows today, it will NOT WIN!

    July 10. I pray this is the beginning of a new victory! You will be in my thoughts.

    Love and Prayers… Traci

  35. Rick Slagle June 25, 2012 at 11:49 am #

    I have traveled down this road and it is a tough one.I am here to help in anyway I can.I will start with prayer for you and your family..I blog on Facebook and my journey is recorded through my stroke and my wife’s death.The posts might help you. Stay strong and faithful.

  36. Ann McAlister June 25, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    Thank you, Sara. You really are helping me to savor what I can. Thank you. I pray for you often. Keep up the good work.

  37. Tiffany June 25, 2012 at 6:57 am #

    To read this breaks my heart! I will certainly be praying for you harder than ever. May you find some peace today.

  38. Corey Trevathan June 25, 2012 at 6:36 am #

    Sara, we are praying without ceasing for you.

  39. Jen June 25, 2012 at 6:15 am #

    God is using you, even on your “bed days” powerfully. I’m praying for you and your family.
    ~ Spaman

  40. Shannon m. June 24, 2012 at 11:51 pm #

    Sara, I know we have not met but you have been on my heart and I have been praying for you constantly. You have had such an impact on me. You are very loved.

  41. Elizabeth June 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm #

    Sara, I only know you from your posts. We have never met. I just had to tell you how your writings have so possitively affected me and my outlook on life and family. You are such a blessing to me and I thank you for pouring your heart and story out to us. Prayers to you and your journey, hour by hour.

  42. Pam Brown June 24, 2012 at 9:20 pm #

    Sarah, you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Hoping you feel much tomorrow!!!

  43. Ann Sellers June 24, 2012 at 9:00 pm #

    Thank you Sara for the post and for who you are…….so dear to everyone who knows you. Will continue praying for you every day. Love in Jesus, Ann

  44. Janet June 24, 2012 at 8:13 pm #

    Sara,
    You continue to show so much faith and dignity through this trial! Thank you for keeping us updated and I just pray you soon feel better. I pray for your boys and Brian as they travel this journey with you. Please, Lord, give them faith, patience, peace, comfort, and strength. God Bless.

    Janet
    COLE’s Prayer Team

  45. Bradford L. Stevens June 24, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

    Dearest Sara,

    You are an amazing witness to the journey of faith. I cannot fathom what you have endured and yet you continue to share with us your experience in such an open and honest way. You inspire me and make me realize how blessed we are. I don’t pretend to understand; but, I trust the one whom made us that he has you in the palm of his hand. Don’t let go. He is mighty to save. Praying for you and your family. Grace and Peace,

  46. deb cleveland June 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

    Sara.
    We haven’t met, but that doesn’t matter. You remain in my prayers as I thank our Father for His faithfulness to you and your family. I’ve cried and mourned over your condition, but at the same time rejoiced that God is in the room with you. I’m praying for your boys and their tender hearts. I’m praying for your husband and his strength. My husband has cancer, so I know the battle Brian is in as he serves and loves you and holds on to hope. I promise, my conversations with our Father will be daily and He will hear your name over and over.
    … a sister,
    deb cleveland

  47. Heather Bates June 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm #

    Sara,

    July 10th is marked on my calendar in BOLD.

    Until then, I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  48. Cheryl Newton - Sherrod Ave. family) June 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm #

    I LOVE you and will be forever changed by your words (written by faith, reflecting Him). thank you, praying again and again for you and all those you love …….

  49. Katie Mosley June 24, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

    We love you!! Many prayers!

  50. Dana June 24, 2012 at 1:38 pm #

    Dear sweet Sara,
    We will continue to pray for you and your family. Do not worry about everyone and writing–you just take care and take it one day at a time.

    We love you,
    Dana Mayes

  51. Patti Smith June 24, 2012 at 1:23 pm #

    Sara,
    You talk about living hour by hour… We are all doing that whether we acknowledge it or not. Thank you for reminding us of that and for teaching us each time you write something here how precious each hour is and how to savor each one.
    You are correct about your priorities. We are blessed each time you take a few minutes to communicate with us but your precious family rightly should be your priority. We have grown to love them too. We pray for all of you.

  52. Audra Lambers June 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

    Please be assured of my prayers for you daily!!!

  53. marion June 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm #

    Loving thoughts.

  54. Kristen June 24, 2012 at 1:01 pm #

    Sweetest, treasured Sara, noo worries about writing. We are committed to praying you through this, hour by hour. You are so loved.
    Kristen

  55. tamara June 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm #

    Prayers. Prayers, prayers, prayers.

  56. Frances Palmer June 24, 2012 at 11:45 am #

    Sara, please do not worry about writing when you do not feel like it. Remember we are all still praying for you. I am praying so hard for you.

    Love You much, Frances

  57. Tricia June 24, 2012 at 11:36 am #

    Ever praying, Sara.

  58. Dawn Maier June 24, 2012 at 11:23 am #

    Just be quiet and rest and know you are loved my the Lord and many, many more who are praying for you. Love you, sweet, sweet Sara.

  59. Annette M. June 24, 2012 at 11:21 am #

    Sara, I love you & we have never physically met. I will continue to pray for you & your family. I am encouraged by your life & writings. If writing becomes too much please ask your sister or husband to keep us updated. July 10th is on my calendar.
    Love you.

  60. Jen Daughtry June 24, 2012 at 11:14 am #

    Sara,

    This just brings me to tears reading your post, but I know that you are strong and I know that God is fighting this thing. Please just know that my prayers and thoughts are with you and my heart breaks to hear what all you have been going through. I love you and know that I think about you often!

    Jen-:)

  61. Stephanie June 24, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    Sara,
    You have been on my heart and mind so much lately. Prayers continue to be uplifted to our Lord for your healing, peace, and comfort.

Leave a Reply