January 30

I feel God is leading me to update this journal frequently, but I can hardly stop reading the guestbook long enough to do so! What I truly hope is that as you all come to this site, you too will read through the guestbook and be strengthened by each others’ declarations of faith! There are so many stories of hope and healing, of MIRACLES. I hope I am not the only one to benefit from these stories. I know we all have trials in our lives. Jesus told us we’d have trouble, right? I hope that you are as encouraged as me by the vast connections throughout this world that being a Christian brings. As my dad put it yesterday, I am simply the current subject matter being discussed in a vast “network” that already existed. If this many people can come together to pray for me, it can happen for anyone.

I thought I would take a second today and tell you how I’m doing physically. See, for me the emotional battle is currently first and foremost. So it almost takes me by surprise when people ask how I’m feeling physically. I’m really in very little pain, most days. The severe rib pain which took me to the ER is very rarely felt, and only for a few minutes at a time. It’s only maybe once or twice a week lately. I have moderate pain in my upper abdomen occasionally. (For my PT buddies/healthcare folks: I’d say maybe a 4/10). I can get by with over-the-counter tylenol or ibuprofen during the day, and have some days where I don’t have to take anything at all. I usually take something at night for pain/sleep. My sleeping is fairly erratic, but I’m still getting a lot all total. The main struggle physically is just that I’m really tired a lot. I can’t stand up for too long before my back starts bothering me (probably still weak from pregnancy.) But overall, right now I feel pretty good. Makes it hard to believe I really have advanced cancer.

I’m hoping to start treatment this week, though it won’t be on Monday now due to some other issues. I also hope to start “juicing” soon, as Dr. Berlin believes in it and I know several of you cancer-defeaters and others do too.

Finally, I encourage all of you to read Exodus 33. Our minister, Walt Leaver, brought it to my attention recently for another purpose but here’s why I like it. Moses is pleading with God to change His mind. God decides to do what Moses asks instead of what He’d planned to do because, quoting God: “I am pleased with you and I know you by name.” This is one of the MAIN reasons I get so excited about so many people all over the world praying for me by name. Surely, surely, God knows my name now! Thank you for bringing my name before the Father so much for me.
Now, stop reading my rambling and go and enjoy a precious day of life!! Every day is a gift!

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January 27

In awe. Overwhelmed. Thankful. Sometimes fearful. So many, many emotions and feelings inside me right now. Thank you all for reminding me (I need to hear it a lot right now) of God’s power and His goodness. The visit with Dr. Berlin went well, he gave us good information we hadn’t yet received. We are still in the decision making process as to what to do from here – have some stuff to read, etc. But while I know I need to do my part, I believe God is guiding our steps and if he wants to heal, He can do it through any means.

Understand that while I try to stay positive and allow the peace of Christ to “rule” in my heart, I do have rough times. Last night I got on my knees and face on the floor and sobbed; begging, begging with all my might, for God to heal me, to help my husband raise our boys, to share the story of His mercy for many, many years to come. My God is big enough to handle my fears, and He asks me to lay my burdens at His feet. What I’m still learning is how to leave them there.

And this morning, through that prayer, through the sunshine outside today, through the Spirit inside me, and through your wonderful messages, THE PEACE has filled me again.  Thank you.
Please pray for our decision-making. And for minimal “pressure” from well-meaning individuals to do what they feel is best for us.

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