Categories: Caring Bridge Journal
I’m still here, praise God! I have been on my knees praying for some dear friends lately, and I realized how much I long to hear from them to know if my prayers are being heard. So I get it, I get why you long to hear a word from me.
Please know that your prayers are having a mighty effect – not only on me but on the Kingdom. See, if you weren’t praying for me to live, to have strength, to have peace, then I may not have those things. Then I wouldn’t be able to write what I write, which you tell me is changing lives. (We all know it’s God right? I’ve belabored that point enough?) It’s all just a big circular thing. Isn’t it amazing, how God works in this world? It all comes back to the gift of His Spirit in our hearts. Thank you Father for that precious gift!
But back to specifics: I’ve had a good week. The boys and I have savored precious time with friends, Scott and I savored lunch with Daddy at work one day, and today we savored a nice big muddy puddle in the back yard. Well, actually I watched them savor it. They splashed and splashed and basically were true to their Pigg genes in looking like a couple of hogs rolling around in the mud. The old Sara would have NEVER allowed it. The old Sara would have thought it wasn’t worth the massive clean-up afterward. But oh how I delighted in their giggles today!!
I’m still dealing with erratic sleeping patterns. I’ve gotten 5-6 hours of sleep the past two nights. Yet somehow, I’ve not been too sleepy during the day. I have felt more general weariness, and that combined with grey skies has made me have a few more discouraged moments and has made me more weepy. I’ve also felt a bit more of my old pain – but I try to remind myself that that may be due to lots of cancer cells dying. Oh how I hope that’s the case! So in your prayers for me tonight, please pray for sunny skies (especially this weekend as Brian and I have some special outdoor plans of savoring), and for me to get restful sleep.
Now, can I just say that I absolutely love those of you who’ve called me “our Sara”? It warms me to my core like a nice hot cup of tea. I’ll try to explain below:
What I want to tell you is a love story. (Now all the men reading have officially signed off – see ya later!) It is a love story from first to last. It is the story of a God who loved his daughter beyond all human comprehension. It is the story of a God who loves all of us beyond our ability to fathom. Do you see that when you read the Bible? The book about a God who created a masterpiece in creating mankind, and who loved His people with such a passion that He pulled them back to Him over and over and over and over? He pursues relentlessly because He loves us that fiercely, that deeply.
My story is a love story. Isn’t that a crazy thing to call it? God let my baby girl die and let me have advanced cancer. But I know in my heart it’s because He loves me so much.
See, I’ve always felt the love of God. I’ve always felt like His favorite, to quote a kindred spirit (who also said that He’s big enough that we are each His favorite.) I’ve always felt it because I was blessed to be raised by the greatest set of parents ever to walk the earth. Sorry, but it’s true. (Now I’m holding back tears.) Those of you who know them can give me an AMEN. Our family wasn’t/isn’t one in a million, it’s one in 20 million at least.
What I’ve never felt is the love of people. Oh, I knew mom and dad loved me, and my grandparents, you know – those people who are pretty much required by law to love you- but that was about it. Just ask my mom, who the Lord knows has tried every method of extraction possible to extract my particular thorn in the flesh. I’ve never felt that I really mattered to any one. Mom and Dad even told Brian about this problem of mine when he asked them for my hand in marriage. They said something to the effect of, “Sara is very special. But she doesn’t think so and she needs to be reminded quite a bit.”
So my God, who loves me with an unyielding love, has brought me to my knees with “suffering” and allowed me to see what I’ve meant to people, to many of you. He has shown me that even though I’ve led this little bitty life, which has always felt so insignificant to me, I’ve made a mark. Your notes, e-mails, calls, messages have removed the thorn in the flesh that I’ve lived with for 33 years. My gracious God has healed me! He’s healed my spirit!
I’ve thought, you know if this cancer takes my life- what a way to go out! I hope this doesn’t offend, but it’s like getting to sit at your own funeral and know what you’ve meant to people.
And then I thought – why on earth does it take a CANCER diagnosis to make that happen?!?!
Why don’t I tell people BEFORE they are dying how much they have meant in my life?
So, that’s my thought for you today.
Please don’t miss a chance to tell someone what they mean to you.
We don’t all get a nice long warning before it’s our time to go. I know you know that. This is not a new revelation. I just hope it’s a reminder to us all.
Thank you for letting me feel loved – it has made all the difference in my life.
I’m happy to be “your Sara.”
Go tell someone else that they are “your ____”
And always, ALWAYS know, that you are God’s. And you are His FAVORITE!!