March 2

And I am free again! Got the pump disconnected from me this morning around 10:30.
So far, praise GOD, the side effects have been even less than the first two rounds! I stand amazed and thankful, so thankful.

Want to share something my friends Becky and Amy sent to me. I believe everyone faces a significant battle in their lives, so I hope that if you are facing one yourself right now that you will substitute your particular struggle for the word “cancer” in the words below.

What cancer cannot do:

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrale faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce eternal life
It cannot quench the spirit
It cannot lessen the power of resurrection

Does that sound a bit familiar?

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation (cancer, depression, abuse…), will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39

Love and hope to you all –

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TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 2011 12:09 AM, EST

Just a short post tonight. (I know, you’re saying, “Yeah right! I don’t believe you can do it.)

Chemo round 3 started this morning at 10:00 am. I have felt good most of today. My nausea has just started to kick in now, but I tried to get ahead of it so I took one nausea med about an hour ago and then the other one about 30 minutes ago.

I met with “my” nutritionist today, my dear friend and a registered dietician Anna Hicks. I met Anna my freshman year of college almost 15 years ago, and was instantly drawn to her sweet spirit. She spent almost 3 hours with me today helping me to weed through the avalanche of nutritional advice I’ve been given and answering my ignorant and embarrassing questions. She brought multiple helpful computer printouts for me, and I am so thankful for all the time she has already spent to help me feel less overwhelmed by the entire subject. Thank you, God, for this sweet friend, who also knows the refiner’s fire and has come out shining so beautifully.

I also want Ginger to know that I wore your “victorious” shirt today to my treatment – thank you! And your long letter moved me more than you can imagine.

And Lisa, I wore the hat you made me because, God be praised, I slept so well last night that I slept through my alarm this morning! I didn’t have time for a shower before treatment, so I threw the hat on and went!

And Shelly and Kat, I am scheduled for my first acupuncture treatment on Thursday. (Supposed to help with side effects, especially nausea)

Last night I went to our Sunday evening services, not knowing if it was a wise thing to do or not. You see it was “Baby Bible” night, where each of the new babies in our congregation receives a special Bible and we as a congregation pledge to help the parents to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It’s typically a favorite night of mine. However, last night was hard. You see, I was pregnant with Anna with most of those women; we were supposed to be up there with our sweet Anna. I made the decision to go because I wanted you parents of those precious babies to know that I love you and I love those babies and I am not resentful of your joy! Each one of those babies is a precious masterpiece of the Creator. And those moments and every one of those baby toes (kind of a fetish of mine) are to be savored!
However, as I sat there in profound sadness, longing for someone to acknowledge my baby girl, sweet Joy Brown, seated just down the row from me, passed me a note that said simply:
“I just want you to know that I am thinking of your precious baby girl in heaven.”

God heard my heart right there in that moment, and He gave me Joy (literally!). He came to me, through precious Joy, in a very REAL way in the middle of my sadness and showed me that He was right there, feeling my sadness, holding my hand.
He graciously gave me just what I needed in that moment. Joy B- you are a treasure and, by the way, perfectly named!

My friends, my baby girl is real and is living, just not with me. Please do not be afraid to remember her with me, and speak of her with me. In doing so, you honor me and show me your love.

Ok, this post wasn’t all that short, you were right!

Sending my love and thankfulness for all your prayers, cards and comments.


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