Categories: Caring Bridge Journal
It is Wednesday morning and I am in the middle of round 6 of chemotherapy. For those who may be new to my journey, I went into the oncologist’s office yesterday, had lab work done, had a visit with the oncologist, and then stayed in the treatment room for 3 hours of chemotherapy infusion via a port-a-cath that sits under the skin just below my right collarbone. Once those medicines are infused, I am sent home with one additional medication that is pushed in by a pump. That med takes about 48 hours to be infused. So today I am sitting at home in silence, except for the clicking on my keyboard and the click of my pump every few minutes as another .1 ml of drug is infused. I wrote several weeks ago how the pump is not physically heavy, but is mentally devastating in its weight, because it “reminds me of the giant I am facing.”
And then God sent another angel my way. For my sweet friend Laura Beth, who insists she’s not a writer, sent me a beautiful text message that read:
“I’m visualizing the chemotherapy as the Holy Spirit today. May you be filled with the goodness and healing that only HE can provide. May you be reminded of His power and strength with every “click” of medicine. His Power is IN you.”
Once again God sends an angel to help me control my mind.
It’s all in the perspective with which you CHOOSE to view the world. Thank you, LB, for refocusing my perspective.
Now, as to the Walker Run, Live For Today 5k this weekend. How do I even begin??
I have told several people that it just may be the highlight of my life so far. I know I should not put it above my wedding, or the birth of my children, but man, oh, man, it sure is close.
I arrived early to the race, so that I would have plenty of time to speak with as many people as I could, including the volunteers that arrived at 6 am! (I wasn’t that early!) When I arrived I was already astounded at the number of people working to make the event happen. Each had their job, and people were working in huge teams to accomplish their tasks. I was pleased to see my friends Amy, Lisa, Jennifer, and Rachel calmly observing, only occasionally directing. These amazing (I know I need to stop overusing that word but it is so appropriate) women, PTs, who had NEVER BEFORE organized an event like this – had it running like a well-oiled machine. This becomes even more significant once you know the number of people who were there: over 1200 participants. Yes, one thousand two hundred runners/walkers. HUGE.
Then the participants began arriving and I was dumbstruck. They came from everywhere and soon I looked out and it was a sea of people. I started to get weepy. Little Sara, who thought for 33 years that she was unloved and insignificant, looked out over a crowd of 1200 people all there to show their abounding love and support. I am holding back tears even now.
It was a beautiful morning. I hadn’t watched any weather reports, but I was told by one person that if we did have one of the isolated rain showers that were predicted, it was supposed to arrive in Brentwood at 8 am.
Let me tell you what happened instead at 8 am.
We, my family and the race organizers, were standing in the bed of a truck, Brian and I having just been presented with a check for over $30,000. I had said my thanks to the masses, trembling and still in total shock that these people were here for me, for my family. Then our dear minister came to say a beautiful prayer for all of us. He thanked God for the beautiful morning, because it was beautiful, though slightly overcast. As I stood there with my head bowed and eyes closed, as he concluded his prayer, a great light shone in though my closed eyelids. I kid you not. I opened my eyes and the clouds that had been shielding the sun had moved away during the prayer. God showed His presence to me and to the others on the truck in that moment, at 7:56 am.
I didn’t mention that I noticed that to anyone, but then later that afternoon, Rachel, who’d also been on the truck, asked me and another girl who’d been up there: “Did you feel, when Walt spoke of the weather in his prayer, a sudden distinct warmth from the sun?” “Yes!” I shouted. “I noticed that and light, and I’m so glad you noticed it too.” She then said, “It’s like God wanted us to know that He was here.” My thoughts exactly.
The race organizers have many such stories of how God worked in the behind-the-scenes planning to make everything come together so smoothly. And boy did it! The entire event went off without a hitch.
Let me tell you of my recent epiphany.
Last week Camden wasn’t feeling well. He doesn’t get sick often, but when he does he is really pitiful. For those who don’t know, he’s had two very frightening febrile (fever-induced) seizures. So when he is ill, I become very concerned and watch him like a hawk. We gave Camden a lukewarm-to-slightly warm bath to try and combat the chance of a rapidly rising body temperature, and then pulled his shivering body out and wrapped him in a robe and laid him down under several warm blankets. I then snuggled in close to try and add my body warmth to help him stop shivering. He finally stopped, and was just lying there, comfortable and drowsy. I stayed beside him and just stroked his hair, whispering to him about happy things. He then just out-of-the-blue said, “I love you, Mommy.”
(He is sweet but NEVER does this.)
I stayed beside him because I just wanted him to know I was close. That he was not alone.
And then I had another vision. A vision of my Jesus, using multiple methods to try and show me that He is with me, holding me, never leaving my side. Do you know that’s how He has used you, my friends? He used Laura Beth to show me he’s with me even when I face my giant. He used all of you at the race (and used the sun) to hold me even closer, in a great big bear hug!
You are truly the arms of Jesus to me. You have helped me to find peace in this storm and stop shivering in fear. I encourage you to continue to be that for other hurting people. I believe God wants to use us all to comfort the hurting, because that is exactly what Jesus would do if He were here in the flesh. We are Christ’s body – what a privilege!
The thoughts of God:
Isaiah 66:13 – As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you…
Thank you for comforting me, Jesus. I love you.