July 18

I woke up this morning to bright sunshine, after a restful, uninterrupted night’s sleep for the first time in weeks. As I lay in bed, just coming to, my mind naturally went to prayer and as I often do, I became so in awe of my God that the tears poured out. I am going to attempt to type out that prayer, as best I remember, even now typing through tears.

“Oh Lord, my God, my Father. I am in awe of how you continue to shower me with abundant blessings, in the midst of this desert. I thank you for a good night’s rest, and for the sunshine this morning. My Father, you know my heart. Lord, I am so tired and weary. Oh Father, I just come to you as your daughter and I beg, I beg you to be merciful. Lord, I beg you to bring me out of this trial. I beg you to be the one who relents, to be the God of compassion, to be the God who heals. I don’t have beautiful words, I don’t deserve to be rescued, I just long for it and ask you to heal because of who YOU are. Because of your unrelenting love, your constant faithfulness, your inability to lie, your beautiful promises to sustain your people. God, please come quickly to my rescue. Heal me completely so that your name may be praised above all else, above medical science. Heal me and make your name great, show the power that you can unleash when your people call on your name with one voice. Show that you are still the great healer. Lord, show Dr. Penley something he has never seen before, that he may come to know you. Lord, let me complete the work before me, to raise my boys in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, to serve my husband throughout our lives as I vowed to do.

I am so thankful Father, so thankful for how you have changed my heart, for how you have let me make a difference in others’ lives, for how you have brought me so much closer to you. I am being changed, pruned, refined and I thank you for that. I am in awe of how you have changed me.”

And then I was really crying and just out of words and I thought I would try just listening. I’ve never really done that much, and I don’t know that I did it well or correctly. But this is what came into my head…

“Oh my child, my child. I know the plans I have for you, MY plans to give you a future and a hope. I will sustain you, my child, I uphold you with my hand. I will not let the righteous fall.”

So of course the tears continued. When I try to listen, and again I don’t really know what that means or how to do it, I always hear, “my child” over and over again.

I am in awe of the love of God. The perfect, unconditional, unrelenting, pursuing love of God.

Then I got to my knees, as I try to do every morning before starting my day and prayed my simple prayer that is changing my life:

“Heavenly Father,

Thank you for today. For today is a gift. Thank you for another day that my boys have their mother and Brian has a wife. Please help me to be led by your Spirit today. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight today, my Rock and my Redeemer. In the name of Jesus, Amen.”

Not sure why but just thought I should share this today. Apologies for any tears it causes you to cry. 🙂

Have a blessed day full of light and full of love.

-Your Sara

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