Categories: Caring Bridge Journal
I tend to forget that there are people who read this website who don’t know me, who don’t see me on my “good weeks.” I suppose I am selfish with my “good days” and want to spend my time living, doing the things I love, instead of sitting down at this computer and writing.
Also, I truly get a little tired of talking about myself. And to be honest, at times I actually resent the fact that I even have a caring bridge website. I so want this part of my life story to be over – the cancer part anyway. I so want things to be “normal” again. (I do hope to continue writing, and actually already have a website in the works as a new place to continue this writing once my cancer journey is completed, Lord willing.)
But then yesterday I learned that Lisa Schell passed away. Lisa was a co-worker of my brother-in-law who was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. She reached out to encourage me in my cancer battle even though she didn’t know me. She was full of the love of Christ and she couldn’t help but share that love and that hope in total healing from God. She underwent a surgery on Thursday of last week and passed away due to complications in surgery. She was so looking forward to that surgery, convinced that God was going to bring her through it and that all her remaining cancer would be removed during that surgery. And now she is gone. I never met her but my heart grieves. I grieve because she leaves behind a son. I grieve because she had so much trust in God, was so hopeful and faithful to God. She served others when she herself was going through such a trial.
Yet I know she has won her battle. She endured, and now cancer has been forever defeated in her.
I also am rejoicing. I am rejoicing that another brother in Christ who has been battling cancer has been given a victory here on earth. Frank Meza is a Godly man, a minister of the Gospel, and he is now cancer-free. God heard the prayers of many and showed His great power to heal.
Both of these people trusted completely in God. Both were calling on Him and begging for healing. One was healed, one was taken home to be with Jesus.
How unsearchable are God’s ways.
How unclear is my future.
I have today. I am thankful for this day. I cannot worry about tomorrow because that will ruin this day.
How difficult are these lessons I am learning.
And you deserve an update on me. You deserve to know how you are helping me. I don’t know how many good days I have left and I can’t afford to waste a single one. Lisa and Frank taught me that.
I have had a wonderful good week. I have savored many things since recovering from my last treatment:
– driving the carpool to kindergarten and listening to the funny conversations among 3 kindergarteners
– blowing bubbles with Scott on a beautiful sunny day and marveling at the colors of the bubbles in the bright sunlight
– eating dinner and watching pre-season football with old friends who we haven’t seen for many, many months
– volunteering in Camden’s class and seeing his excitement and pride that his mommy was there
– visiting a dear, sweet shut-in who endures immobility and loneliness but exudes such joy in living; oh how she teaches me
– baking a pear crisp from the pears in our pear tree
– reading an e-mail from a friend who said, “Praying for you has strengthened my relationship with God” – reminding me that God is working good from my pain
– finding out my sister is expecting a baby girl and that she and my brother-in-law are going to honor our Anna by including “Anna” in her given name
– praying with a group of women devoted to prayer, and listening to sweet Joy James pray for me through tears of love
– praying with a different group of mothers devoted to praying over Camden’s school, and being surprised that they also chose to take the time to pray for me, including a new dear friend being moved to tears in her prayer for me
– speaking to a ladies’ Bible class at church about some scripture near and dear to my heart
– going to the Wilson County Fair with my family and my brother and his family and seeing the thrill in my boys’ faces at all the sights, smells and sounds
– celebrating Scott’s 4th birthday with his sweet little friends at the local splash pad/park
Your prayers enabled me to feel good enough to do all those things and more. You deserve to know that. Especially if you aren’t here to see it. You deserve to know that there is still no outward indication of my illness. God in his mercy has allowed me to remain “looking normal,” which is a great benefit for my boys, sparing them from confusion and sadness. You deserve to know I have slept very well every night this week.
I continue to thank you for your prayers and in the same breath ask you to continue to petition our Father on my behalf. I long to be in heaven, but I cannot stomach (intentional choice of word, though horribly ironic) the thought of leaving my precious sons or my partner in this life. I pray for God’s mercy, that He would show His power, that His name will be glorified in my healing, that He would show the power He can unleash when His people call on His name.
I go for round 14 of chemo tomorrow (Monday the 29th).
– Your Sara